It first started like a really soft sound that you could barely hear. It made you feel like you were on another place alone without anything or anyone around you. Then it was a little louder but still soft and calm. It sounded like the songs movies play when something sad happens or when someone dies and everyone is crying. In the beginning it also sounds like when someone is in a really dark room alone and a ghost is behind them and that person is turning around to see what is behind them. It was a sound that was calm and peaceful but at the same time sad and a little scary. It sounded like a train going through a lonely forest on a cold, dark, and stormy day. Going without direction just going forward to see what it finds. In some parts it also sounds like a train going through a city when the sun is going down on the afternoon. This sound makes you think about sad things but it also makes you a little sleepy. This sounds fills you with hope. This sound made me think of someone alone in their house playing an instrument while it was raining outside. That person was playing how he felt and what he felt through that sound. That sound made that person express all of his sadness and loneliness. At last, it also sounds like a carousel but a little softer.
1.The part that captured me the most was when she said, "It sounded like a train going through a lonely forest on a cold, dark, and stormy day. Going without direction just going forward to see what it finds." By that quote she wrote it game me an idea of how sad it sounded. That was a really good example.
ReplyDelete2.You described your sound really well. You gave a clear picture about everthing. You gave an example of a simile when you said, "It sounded like the songs movies play when something sad happens or when someone dies and everyone is crying."
3.Next time you could focus more on showing not telling. Other than that i really enjoyed reading this. I really liked all the examples you gave about your sound.
The part that captured me was when you described the train going through the tunnel without any directiond just going forward to see what it may find. I liked the was that you described each of the different sounds it made differently. Each of the noises were pulled out seperately and described but still blended into one piece.
ReplyDeleteYou described the sound really well by using comparisons. You also used some metaphors such as when you said it was a sound used to describe certain emotions. You described it really well when you said how people used this noise in movies when the characters felt certain emotions.
You probably could have showed not told a little bit more and use some more sensory detail. I think that you also could have made the description flow better instead of saying "at the beginning it sounded like...." because I think that took away from the description. I really liked the overall paragraph.
Taylor W.